Deep Inside Me: Untold Rape Story

It was exactly 2100 hours when Netsai dropped off by the local shops. The neighborhood was quiet, vendors had already packed up their stalls and the shops were closed. On that day even the men that stand outside the store, drinking and chatting had gone.

The kombi driver was so mean, refused to drop her off by the gate even though she had offered an extra dollar. Economy was tough and a dollar was really nothing, you could not even buy a loaf of bread or a decent lunch.

As the kombi sped off, Netsai put herself together, took a deep breath and began walking swiftly clutching onto her handbag as the night chill seeped through her blazer.

Something was not right, the road was empty and the silence was too loud, wind whispered through the branches and rustled the leaves. She could feel her heartbeat in her forehead, home had never been this far, felt like she would never get there.

From a distance she saw the glowing tip of a cigarette, so bright like a gas stove flame. This did not make her feel any better, the empty road was better than meeting up with strangers.

As she approached the corner where the men were standing which was five minutes from her house, two of the guys dropped their cigarette stubs, with a little bump in their step, they followed her.

Netsai walked faster, so did they. Without anticipating it she started running but she could hear them breathing from the back of her neck, he put his leg between hers and she tripped and fell.

He immediately covered her mouth with his hands that smelt like shit pulling out tape with the other one which he used to glue her lips together so no screaming would escape her mouth.  Netsai was kicking from all directions as they dragged her to a nearby bush.

She tried to scream and fight but only managed to tear his shirt, they were too strong for her. He literally threw her to the ground while the other one pressed her hands to the grit.

She lay there crying bitterly as there was nothing she could. Netsai watched him unbuckle his trousers, pull down his pants with his erect penis staring her right in the eye. He knelt down as if he was about to make love, lay on top of her reeking of cheap whiskey, smelling of cigarettes and stale sweat pushing her legs apart. So painful it was as he forcefully inserted his raw hard penis deep inside Netsai with his hairy chest rubbing all over her. She had never felt so much pain before.

rape-image-7591

She cried through out the invasion of her body.  He pulled out and thought he was done to only have an exchange, it was the other’s one turn. She wanted to die at that point, staring at the moon that night was not blissful at all, two strange men were on top of her doing as they please.

When they were done, both of them looked at her as though nothing had happened and walked away.

Since that day life has never been the same for Netsai. She hates and blames herself for what occurred. Every night she sits in the corner of her bedroom, hugging her knees, crying profusely wishing if she could undo the events of that night.

rape2.jpg

She did not tell anyone, who would she, how to begin the story. To this day Netsai cannot stand the sight of a man and the thought of having one on top of her makes her skin crawl. The image is forever stuck in her head.

Advertisements

Five Reasons I Don’t Like Sleeping In Other People’s Beds

Over the years I have to come to realize I don’t like sleep overs nor do I like people sleeping over. Maybe its because since I became independent I’ve had a single bed and having an extra human in that bed is complete torture.

I’m an open, accommodating person and like having people come over and I host but please go back to your house unless its an emergency or there is a valid reason.

The one thing I cherish is peaceful sleep and always avoid sleeping in other people’s beds.

Recently a friend called me over to chill, little did I know she had no plans of driving me back home, I was unhappy the whole time and she could see it. What she did not understand was why wanted to go back home, I have no TV, no baby to nurse but I still wanted to go home. Now here are the five reasons I prefer sleeping in my bed always:

  • I struggle falling asleep in a new bed and when I do the dreams are always unpleasant.
  • I want to be comfortable, spread my arms and lift my legs.
  • Honestly I don’t like holding in fart and its a struggle when you have someone over or vice versa.
  • I talk in my sleep, every time at someone’s house I pray to God that I do not utter a word in my sleep scared to reveal information meant to be between me, myself and I.
  • Waking up to making my way home/work. I hate that, firstly I don’t wake up at the time I usually do, secondly I have to move around with toiletries and extra clothes.

Unless I really have to sleep at your house, its never an option for me. My bed is the only place I can be truly myself and its always there for me at the end of crappy day.

Are Men Intimidated By Educated Women?

“We teach girls to shrink themselves,
to make themselves smaller.
We say to girls,
‘You can have ambition,
but not too much.
You should aim to be successful,
but not too successful.
Otherwise you will threaten the man.’
Because I am female,
I am expected to aspire to marriage.
I am expected to make my life choices
always keeping in mind that
marriage is the most important.
Now marriage can be a source of
joy and love and mutual support.
But why do we teach to aspire to marriage
and we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors —
not for jobs or for accomplishments,
which I think can be a good thing,
but for the attention of men.
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings
in the way that boys are.
Feminist: the person who believes in the social,
political and economic equality of the sexes.” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie


Where to begin; I have been watching the South African Soapie Scandal and there is a scene where Zinzile, a mother has been a house wife for the longest time finally finds a break through to go back to school in order to get a job at a day care. She does everything by the book, asks her husband for permission to study but he denies her the opportunity saying she is a house wife and that is solely her job.

In a last week’s episode he said “If I wanted to marry an educated woman I would have married one a long time ago. I wanted a respectful, humble and loving wife to make a family.”

This just brought out the feminist in me, there is more to life than making babies and cleaning the house as perceived in this episode.

 

How Do Men Feel About Educated Women

Carried out a survey in our office and the men had this to say:

  • So what happens is that most men feel that if they elevate or date a more educated woman than them she will take control of the relationship/ marriage.
  • Society has taught us that he/she who is perceived to be educated than the other, will always have more to say.
  • So as a man, you wouldn’t want to be controlled by a woman, again, this is what society has taught (men are not supposed to be below women patriarchy ) ,so the more a man elevates his woman, the more intimidated he will become.
  • You also know how birds of the same feather flock together hence an educated woman would then want to hang around people of her educational calibre. This creates insecurities in the man and that could be a problem going forward.

It almost feels like a lot of women are not bettering themselves in the name of submitting to their husbands and what they say. I have nothing against submission but I do not think one should feel like they are being abused and denied opportunities in life.

What do you think? Are men really intimidated by women? If so why?

#BlackWednesday A Flop?

 

Last week Zimbabwe lost an icon, a legend, man that was an inspiration to many. Oliver Mtukudzi’s death touched many and women united in wearing doeks and black trending under the hashtag #Dhuku4Tuku.

Social media was awash with images of women in black and doeks. If you were not wearing one last week you totally felt left out as it was a thing on that day.

The hashtag was trending for almost two days. So much energy  was invested in mourning the legend this way.

However on the day it was posted someone commented on a tweet, raising an issue that was also deserving of the same attention if not better.

Earlier this week women were supposed to go all black, no make up standing in solidarity with the women that were abused and raped in the recent disturbances that hit the country. I was excited about this, standing up for another sister. I was in all black but to my surprise the people that were moving with #BlackWednesday are those that have always been advocating for women’s rights/ empowerment and feminists. Only a few people took part.

It was trending on twitter for a day and its forgotten. I have so much respect for the late Oliver Mtukudzi but why wasn’t #BlackWednesday given the same energy and attention.

Rape is a serious issue that should not be taken lightly.  There is a lot to consider when it comes to dealing with victims of rape and if as a nation we could not unite in this one cause, what are we saying?

Rape is a crime and lets breaking the culture of silence around it. Those who should act, should do so effectively.

WhatsApp Image 2019-01-31 at 12.13.34.jpeg

Face to Face With Witchcraft

Charlene had finally found the one and could not wait to settle down with Lovemore. After a series of heartbreaks and having given up on love God surprised her. Things were moving smoothly and marriage talks were now a subject on a daily basis between the couple.

She could not wait to be with her prince charming to watch him sleep every night and wake up next to him every morning. Charlene already knew the wedding dress she wanted, simple yet elegant. The number of guests she would want at the wedding and where to go for their honey moon. She even had names for their kids and had already planned on the spacing.

In a such a promising and committed relationship Charlene and Lovemore were already having unprotected sex even though they had only been together for a few months. Didn’t bother to get tested, first time was a mistake but what the hell they went on with it. Not a big deal. I mean she trusted him and she wasn’t on the pill. She was ready to have kids.

In such relationships women begin performing ‘wifey’ duties for their significant other. Why should he do his laundry when I can do it for him. Lovemore always spoke about how his mother performed thorough cleaning duties on Sundays and Charlene adopted this culture to please her man. Boys are always closer to their mothers and would’t it be cool to do what his mother does, she thought.

tree-407256_960_720

One fateful Sunday, Lovemore had gone for his football games they called ‘maboozer’, this gave her ample time to clean the house and live it sparkling clean. However Charlene had never opened her boyfriends’ underwear drawer, she was playing ‘wifey ‘ but not to those levels. But on this day something pushed her to clean up that drawer. She found nothing but underwear of course, and a box of painkillers.

There wasn’t much to clean up in there and she closed it. Upon pushing back the drawer a little book dropped. Her heart skipped a beat and for some reason she kept staring it.

Charlene picked up the book and as she read the contents she felt her world falling apart. How could he ! That motherf*!%er, the words could not even escape her lips. She fell to the ground and cried bitterly. The hurt she was felt, the big lump in her throat, the pain in her stomach. He was HIV positive, witchcraft at its highest level.

halloween-1014478_960_720.jpg

Whistling with his boots around the neck, Lovemore walked in to a furious Charlene, she was mad as hell as she threw the book in his face. Before he could explain himself she broke down in tears again. He sat down, tried to hold her hand but she would not have it. He tried explaining to her that for months he had been trying to tell her but this fell on deaf ears.

She was breaking things in the house, throwing anything and everything at him, saying all kinds of obscenities.

He felt bad, guilty, sorry, regretful. What had he done, he wanted to die. What was she going to tell  her parents, how? They were going to ask her all the obvious questions, why did you not use a condom? Why did you not get tested before having unprotected sex with him?.

Her world had come to an end and she thought, what to do now? She could not face her family, they would hate and reject her for being careless and dirty. The community, church, friends oh and the relatives that are always waiting for a slip up.

Charlene could not even look her boyfriend in the eye, she walked out and went to her house, switched off her phone, lay down on her bed, crying staring at the roof. She did not want to live anymore, what was the point.

That night Charlene locked her room and hung herself. She could not take the pain, her world had come to an end.

Lovemore had been trying to get hold of her to no avail. He was too scared to go to her house and gave her space to calm down to only receive the news the following morning that she had taken her life.

The End…


Such is life but are people receiving adequate counselling around HIV/AIDS. It is not the end of the world and the message has to be preached thoroughly. People are living normal lives with HIV.

Secondly let’s desist from trusting people judging by their appearance or who they are. If you have decided you want to have unprotected sex, go and get tested with your partner. It is a scary experience but worth it. Someone might say it sometimes happens in the heat of the moment but train yourself to say no and not get carried away by pleasure that will take five minutes and cost you the rest of your life.

Please do share your thoughts on this subject.

 

 

 

 

 

How To Drop A Valentine’s Hint

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and anxiety levels are so high. You are probably wondering if she/he is already thinking of what to get you .

Its so heartbreaking to expect a gift from your loved one and not receive one. Its even worse when all your friends, schools mates or colleagues are posting their gifts and you are just sitting there.

Your world literally falls apart when your significant other treats it like a normal day and does not say a word at all.

valentines-day-2057745_960_720

Sometimes partners are clueless on what to get. Honestly getting men gifts is a struggle and stress which is why we end up settling for socks, a watch or a bottle of whiskey.

Valentine’s is a day set aside to express your love. In as much as you would want to be surprised I see nothing wrong with dropping a hint, at least you will get what you want at the end of the day and won’t have to say that fake and nervous thank you to a gift you don’t like.

This year avoid receiving presents you will just keep and not use or value, remember we hint to get the truth out.  Here are a few tips:

  • Tag him/her on a post of what you would like.
  • Spell it out.
  • Drop a hypothetical hint e.g “If I were to start equipping my bedroom I would start with a bed cover”
  • Tell a friend
  • Go shopping together and point at what you like

Its really not that hard, lets start hinting. You can thank me later.

All the best !

 

 

 

Day13 #2018BOTY: Stick To Your Circle

faith1.jpg

2018 has been a half baked year for me. Professionally work has been awesome, have learnt a lot in this media industry and have grown an individual.

However, the biggest lesson I learnt; stick to your circle ! I like accommodating people and I hate the fact that a few people took advantage of this. In most of my posts I always mention I like people that let go, easy going because I am that person but some people don’t appreciate people who like me instead they take advantage of their kindness. I was betrayed by people I chose to call my friends, so yea I figured the few friends I have are more than enough.

Secondly I learnt not think too much about things, if your heart says no, listen. If you doubt something let it go. If its not working, don’t force it. If its meant to be it will be.

What I also learnt, do not talk to strangers. My laptop and phone were stolen because of talking to strangers. I was angry at myself for close to a month. I could not come to terms with the thought of not having my laptop. My pictures, my music, my documents; everything was gone. It was my first laptop and treasured it. So when someone hollas at me and I do not even look your way, please I’m not being a diva, just protecting myself. I don’t need no drama.

Be yourself always, that’s the best person you can be !

2018 thank you for the lessons, 2019 I will rise up and I am READY !