He Was Dying Inside; Story Of Mental Illness

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Tafadzwa was dying inside, the Zimbabwean situation had gone beyond his control. He was crying inside, hurting, distressed but could not talk about it you know why because he is a man.

Men cannot cry, they have to be strong and this is what society has taught groomed our boys.

Everything was going South for Taf, how could he tell his wife he had been fired from work? The company was no longer generating income and had gone for a straight three months with no salary.

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Prices for basic commodities were sky rocketing on a daily basis, transport from his home was $3 in the evenings $5. He had three children going to school, one in college.

Life was not working out for him, all the side hustles he tried failed, dismally. Every night he would wait for his family to sleep just so he could cry bitterly through the night and pretend everything is okay when the sun is out.

You try to keep up with the day but it hits you all of sudden and you are in a dark, horrid space. He wanted to be alone and think. The thoughts were consuming him, he felt like a failure and the pain was right from the pit of his stomach.

Walking through the streets of Harare, Tafadzwa felt like he was going crazy. The conversations he had with himself, the sleepless nights were just too much. Expectations were high from home, but he kept a straight face and smiled through it.

It was 22:00 when Taf got home. No electricity, no water and family was already in bed. He tip toed to the kitchen making sure he does not wake them up, opened the oven drawer and took out a plate of sadza served with dry vegetables. He did not remember the sight of shiny vegetables, let alone meat.

He could not even swallow the food, the big lump in his throat formed and hurt. He had failed as a father and husband. He felt trapped as he could not do anything to stop it.

Tafadzwa tip toed again into the pantry, took a rope and hung himself right in the kitchen.

His suicide sent his family into cage, they were trapped, broken and hurt. What did his death change, nothing at all.


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Where am I going with this? Mental health is a subject we are supposed to talk about immensely especially during this economic collapse in Zmbabwe. Are we checking on our family and friends? Has their behavior changed? Are they eating and sleeping well?

But my main target in this post are the men. They are dying inside, they are the bread winners in their families and sometimes the burden is heavy leaving them without a powerful sense of pride, purpose and meaning in life.

Substance abuse is becoming predominant especially among men, young and old. These are some of the things we are supposed to be paying attention to.

Men don’t always show the signs we often associate with depression, like sadness and hopelessness. Instead, they might appear angry or aggressive, making it easier for doctors and loved ones to miss the signs that something is wrong. As a result, men might miss out on the treatment they need to feel better.

Admitting to someone that you have a mental problem is probably the hardest thing to do and that is why we have a lot of people struggling with depression.

 Let’s talk about mental health and let people, especially young adults realize that they are not alone in this battle with mental illnesses. No matter what the illness, no one is ever alone, no matter how lonely it seems.

To all those going through a tough time, keep your head high and keep living.

 

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Lessons From Beyonce’s Homecoming

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In a world where black women’s accomplishments are swept under the rug, a world where black women have to work extra hard to prove themselves Beyonce has proven to be one of the most spoken about people world over.

I have been obsessed with her music and performances for years now but her recent film Homecoming opened my eyes on the amount of sweat she has invested in her work. If you really aspire to be like Queen B then you better be ready to give it your all.

Here are a few lessons I picked:

Find Something You Are Passionate About 

Career choices can be really hard to figure out, I mean I’m still trying to learn what I really want to do but what I have come to realize is you have to do something you love and really passionate about. That way you look forward to waking up everyday and getting on with your grind.

Beyonce loves her job and you can vividly see it on her face. You can see the passion and amount of work she puts in her videos and live performances.

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Hard Work

I was really moved watching the movie as she explained the extreme diets she had to go on to lose weight and be in shape for Homecoming. She said “In order for me to meet my goal, I’m limiting myself to no bread, no carbs, no sugar, no dairy, no meat, no fish, no alcohol and I’m hungry.”

She sacrificed being away from her children, the hours put in rehearsals, its clearly not easy but hard work pays off. She out does herself and gives every album, song, video, performance 100% if not more.

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Keep A Private Life

Beyonce is the Queen of keeping life private. Her life appears to be an enigma. She has her professional side as a musician where she will tell you to “leave him girl” and that he is “replaceable” but what do we really know about her and the unconfirmed rumors/ reports around her husband’s infidelity?

One would expect her to address these allegations but she remains tight lipped. The same applies to her wedding and pictures of the twins.

We only saw a glimpse of her wedding in the video of “I Was Here” and “All Night”, how many of us can actually have a wedding without posting a single thing about it before the day…

After she gave birth to the twins, she only came out in public with them on Instagram after a while of keeping us in suspense.

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So in working towards your success, you don’t have to tell the whole world everything. Surprise us.

Find A Compatible Partner

Jay-Z has been accused countless times of cheating  on Beyonce but instead of hiding from it, both Beyoncé and Jay-Z addressed the issue with their music, Beyoncé with her 2016 album Lemonade and Jay-Z with his later album 4:44 where he appeared to acknowledge his infidelity but we can’t deny that their relationships is all types of goals. I cannot begin to imagine what its like having someone that supports your grind like that as a husband.

They have become the ultimate power couple and have become stronger with the challenges they have faced.

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Pick The Right Friends

It is really important to move with the right pack in business and life in general. Beyonce has managed to keep a strong relationship with Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland.

We have seen them appear in her live concerts even after their split as Destiny’s Child.

Pick friends that wish to see you progress and are willing to help you get to that level  you wish.

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He Didn’t Care Enough; I Cared Too Much

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The day finally came when I gave up. The fight could not go on any longer, he didn’t care enough and I cared too much.

The inconsistencies were crystal clear and every time I tried to talk about it he threw shade, he just did not care but this made me care more.

Something real is all I wanted with him but he was on some other agenda. The sweet nothings he told whispered were not new but I thought it would be different.

It all began to change, he changed. Its like he tolerated the relationship, he could not stand the sight of me . He behaved as if he was being forced to be with me. I was so conflicted, did he really want sex alone, had I done something? You know what he did not care.

I explained how he hurt me but he did not care. He was immune to my pain, feelings, thoughts but I still stuck around, sadly.

He wanted to spend time with me, but didn’t want to compromise any other aspect of his life to do so. He was willing to give me attention, but only if I begged him for it first.

In the end I realized it wasn’t enough for me, I deserved better.

I want to be missed when I’m gone, I don’t want someone who doesn’t act excited to see me after we go extended periods of time not seeing each other.

I want to be called, texted, checked on and feel like I actually mean something to you. Make me a priority in your life but you were not delivering.

At this point I totally related with Adele when she said “I can’t make you love me when you don’t,  you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t”

I did not want to give up, I did not want to let go, I wanted to make it work but you were not going to love me the way I wanted and expected.

All I wanted was for you to make it known to me that you wanted me too.  I wanted you to ask me to stay, I still do but instead let me go with no effort to try.

He didn’t care enough, I cared too much but eventually realized I care more about myself and well being.

I’m Not Perfect

HeyAnci

 Dear friends……I have never met Carrie Bradshaw and I am pretty sure if I did I couldn’t tell her apart from that girl from the Devil Wears Prada. I honestly couldn’t ..but I have met Faith Panashe. Faith is an Afropolitan black woman who isn’t afraid to speak her truth (and yours too). I didn’t think I would ever meet a woman that’s bold, beautiful and brave in this part of the world to be honest.
Well, I was wrong. And you better screenshot this because I will never admit it ever again. So today is an amazing day because my girl dropped by my house, shared a cuppa and wrote down her truth. So do enjoy this masterpiece xxx

I’m Not Perfect, Will Never Be

I am not perfect and I am never going to be that perfect girl that you have always imagined to be with…

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I Am Not Angry, It’s Called a Period Duh; Or What To Do When Your Man Just Doesn’t Get It

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This week on my blog we have Anci guest blogging all in support of a sister. She is an honest yet witty and sarcastic writer, I don’t recall reading any of her posts without giggling or relating to the article. She also loves writing about food, you know what let me not pre empty her awesome work.


I recently started dating a new guy, aka the dry man of Chegutu. Like any new relationship, I needed to put the ‘W” in working relationship. It was easy initially like hitting the snooze button at 5am because grown ups wake up at 6am right!? Charles works in the accounting department, you probably thinking he is uptight and stingy with his money and can I just say you are right (is that a smile?). He has the twitter app on his phone so he probably is woke right!? Hmm wrong! When Charles begins to talk about the stock exchange and wall street that is the moment you need to start stuffing your mouth with steak because it only gets downhill from here. He had a sister he occasionally talked about so I assumed he knew how to talk to women and he was semi-feminist. He told me I didn’t need squats when he caressed my booty *sigh* but freaked out when I asked him to buy me tampons on his way to my house.

At first I thought his Ecocash was down (it happens) and he wasn’t about to part with his cash (if only). But nope! Mr very affectionate we about to do yoga couldn’t handle buying pads and like my caramelized skin without a hint of a pimple disappeared every month for about four days. Uhmmm what !? Where was the guy that joked he would “Mr love my girl hard’ as a LinkedIn skill ?

After four days , he would show up with yellow roses and a box of chocolate *eyeroll*. He chalked up to his behaviour to giving me space *head slap*.  He called my period ‘crazy maniac episodes”. Can you believe a whole educated African man would avoid my period? A whole African man would avoid me as if I was walking around commando drippin’ and ready to strangle the man race? I ignored that because uhmm some people are still stuck in 1990 while we have moved on to 2019.

Charles dropped his pants faster than Takura drops a surprise album but dispersed faster than my salary when I got my period. He told his darn brother that he would save more if his wife wouldn’t bleed so much. For a guy that claims to be woke uhmm he is really unwoke about things.


Visit her blog on https://heyanci.wordpress.com/ for more….

 

 

Chasing Men Is Not Part of My DNA

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Be patient, give it time is what people told me. I wanted out two weeks into the relationship but I was told I have too much pride, too independent and maybe he is “right” you could be the problem Faith, live in the moment, bullshit I thought.

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FYI, there will be lots of cursing in this post because I am upset with myself for not following my intuition, I saw the red flags, felt the bad vibes but chose to be oblivious to the situation.

In all honesty no guy is told or taught how to love and treat a woman, he will act right when he wants to and if he is not delivering, it’s not worth the stay.

I just learnt the same lesson I have not been implementing, following your gut feeling. It felt wrong from the word go but I liked the idea of being in a relationship which was bad reason to get involved anyway.

Gosh he was the sweetest person when together but a total bitch over the phone. Perfect boyfriend Monday to Thursday and a club hopper Friday-Saturday, where is the stability in that? Where is my attention and time? Do I have to ask for it?

I got tired of talking and singing the same song that fell on deaf ears. I was expected to make changes for someone that was emotionally unavailable for me. Don’t expect me to bend over backwards for you and you don’t do it for me.

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Toxic and unhealthy was what it became. Desperate and clingy do not define me. Sometimes there were questions I failed to ask because I didn’t want to seem weak, I am that girl that keeps her shit together and is in control of her feelings and showing my weak side was something I was not having.

I speak once and expect to be heard twice; if that is not happening I pack my shit and leave. I’m all for good vibes and chemistry, where I am not wanted I leave and if your presence doesn’t add value, your absence won’t make a difference.

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My wish is for young women to know their worth, often we stay in unhappy relationships to please other people and afraid of being alone.

Young lady, men will always come and you do not have to settle for every Tom, Dick and Harry because all your friends are dating, getting married. Being happy is of utmost importance.

Be with someone you connect with and connects with your spirit. Falling in love should be effortless and if you are second guessing him, do something before it’s too late.

Reasons You Should Not Marry A Broke Guy

 

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Money can’t buy you happiness they say, that is a blue lie ! Money is everything, I do not know why we keep lying to ourselves allowing our children to be content with mediocrity.

I don’t mean to sound like a bad feminist but it’s the truth, you do not eat love and its not enough if it is not accompanied by financial stability. Money should be part of your reasons in pursuing a life commitment with a guy.

Someone is probably reading this and saying woman make your own money, women are hustling and grinding making their own money and working towards earning more because they want to afford life without having a headache of checking how much is left in the account. However having a partner with the same drive or more is a bonus.

Marriage is difficult enough and marrying a guy for his looks or just love will soon turn into a nightmare when children and bills come into play.

 

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Like always, I reach out to the ladies to find out how they feel and this what they had to say:

  • Love doesn’t pay bills.
  • Men are the same, they have hunting instincts, broke or not they will cheat. So it’s better to be cheated on when you have all the luxuries that money can buy.
  • Their hunting instincts pushes them to chase, if they are not chasing the paper, they chase women.
  • Because men, being human, will have their set of problems already. So assuming there is a pool of options, all of which will tell you rubbish sometimes😂, all of which have character flaws, its not like if he broke he will suddenly pitch up more perfect. For that reason. I hope to pick a stable- rich guy.
  • Also as much as its an emotional decision, it should also be a logical one. It should make sense for someone to be in my life. I can’t do African movie Beyonce dates, the least expected got nothing at all dude and hope for the best. If it will happen, there should be a visible plan.
  • Because he will not able to take proper care of me and our children.
  • He won’t be able to make me feel secure and assured that we wont live in poverty.
  • Is lazy to hustle hard and make money and will even go low and ask you for money all the time.
  • Your parents will never like or respect him or even think he is good enough to marry you.

I am not saying discount men that are not rich but discount the men who will never rise above living from pay check to pay check. Trust me, your fairy tale will soon turn into a nightmare.

Writing this article reminded me of one song that almost explains everything, TLC- Scrubs