She Did Not Just Lose A Baby; She Lost Herself; Untold Abortion Story

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From the word go, Tadiwa was not sure of the guy she was dating. She had mixed feelings about Josh and could feel it from the pit of her stomach, the red flags were there but like always ignored them. They say let loose and let love lead.

Things were okay but not what she wanted from ta relationship. Tadiwa was compromising herself and felt uncomfortable all the time.

Josh never wanted to talk through issues, big or small. He always said one thing and did another, fake promises, all of it and her gut feeling told her but she still stuck around.

On the first day they were intimate, Josh did not bother using a condom and she did not say no. This went on for the course of their relationship.

Contraception did not even cross her mind. Tadiwa was that girl that was conscious of her weight. The stories of weight gain, headaches, irregular periods, acne she heard about contraception disheartened her, but not the thought of an unplanned pregnancy. Ironic huh.

A few months later, those red flags were no longer a thought or instinct but Josh had become distant. He communicated and seemed to care less in fact she now felt like a burden to him.

Josh was always unavailable or busy with something. At first he gave excuses, apologized, promised to make it up but eventually all that remorse vanished. She was unwanted.

One morning she could not take it anymore, broke up with him. Boy was not moved, opened and did not even reply the message. The pain of blue ticks.

Fast forward to the 30th of June 2017. Her period was late, could she have been pregnant? The thought of it caused her chest pains, she was not ready to be a mother, let alone a single mother.

Missing your period sometimes can be normal only if you have not had unprotected sex, who was she kidding, she was knocked up. Two days later she bought a pregnancy test, the two lines came out faster than expected. She could not believe her eyes, held it in the air to be sure, they only became bolder.

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The signs were already there, always tired, grumpy and sleepy.  Her breasts felt like she was carrying stones.

Later that evening she called Josh, the silence in the room made her heart still and continuous ringing made her knees weak.

He picked up, broke the news and he was not having it. ‘How do I know it’s mine?’ was the first question he asked. That stupid question that men always ask. He was rude and cold, told her never to call or look for him, hung up.

Efforts to text were fruitless, she had been blocked. She was alone, with a four weeks old pregnancy. Her life had not even begun, her career had not kick started and she was not going to be part of the small population of single mothers in Zimbabwe.

Abortion was the only way out of this predicament. One of her friends hooked her up with a doctor that wanted USD$100 to undergo a safe and clean abortion. It was not easy getting the money but eventually borrowed from a friend. Problem number two DEBT.

Tadiwa was given two sets of pills she to insert at the back of her gums. The second set would be inserted after three hours and a few hours later excruciating pain was expected.

She toiled through the night. What she had been told was an understatement, it did not feel like menstrual cramps, could not be described as child birth because she had never given birth. Her back was hot, face numb, diarrhea, throwing up and every time a clot came out if felt like she was about to lose everything from the inside.

This went on for the whole night; she was supposed to wait for the biggest clot to come out. By the time it did, she was finished, weak, and pale. She wanted to die.

The following morning, she called the doctor, explained everything that occurred the previous night. She went for a scan and it was confirmed that the baby was completely gone.

“What have I done,” she thought to herself. The guilt was too much. She thought of the child whose face she’d never see. Tadiwa cried for her failed relationship.

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Every time she saw a pregnant woman, it would all flash back. She could not get over the pain she went through. Sometimes would think, what’s the worst that could have happened had she kept it.

But what hurt her most was that she had to go through it alone.

Josh’s life was still the same if not better, he had already moved on. He did not go through any physical or emotional pain. Trying to explain to him would be exaggeration; I mean “Only he who wears the shoe can tell you where it pinches” Chinua Achebe.

She felt used and damaged.

Tadiwa did not just lose a baby, but lost herself too.


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“Secrets kill.”  Thus is the path of many women after abortion. Don’t talk. Don’t feel. Keep the secret. – Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT

Women’s reasons for having an abortion are always highly personal. In any case, it is usually thought of as a solution to stressful circumstances.

A woman can be of sound and solid mind when she makes a choice to terminate a pregnancy, but it is never an easy decision. Even when it is the right decision, there is sometimes a level of conflict that needs to be addressed so that the woman can be at peace with her choice.

Some cannot afford it; end up keeping unwanted pregnancies. What really hurts me as an individual is that the woman gets to go through this alone. Even if you are lucky and have your partner around, that physical and emotional pain affects you alone yet you both took part in the act.

It affects women differently. Some show guilt, regret but others no remorse at all. Changes them completely because of the physical and psychological pain they had to go through.

The feelings that can occur after an abortion have become so identifiable that this condition has been named Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS).

It’s very unfortunate that most girls go through this after breaking up with their boyfriends and in most cases the break up is messy as result undergo the process on their own.

Below are a few testimonies I picked from an article:

  • “Pregnancy, babies, doctors, being a mother, vacuum cleaners and dentist drills became abortion connectors and sent me into emotional anguish.”
  •  “My abortion is associated with so many emotions. They come at unexpected times, but they always go quickly.”
  • “I was sitting quietly in my bedroom and, suddenly, my entire world went black. It was as if in the space between breaths, my entire existence lost all meaning. … I began having severe anxiety attacks … I had no idea at the time that this was due to the rapid drop in hormones experienced as a result of the abortion. No one had told me this could happen.”
  • “When asked by the hospital psychiatrist why I wanted to die I told him I was already dead inside and just wanted to finish the job.”
  •  “All I felt was a huge relief …. Of course sometimes I wonder if it had been a boy or a girl …. But I have always been at peace with the decision.”
  •  “Initially I guess I was just numb. … I felt dirty and worthless ….  It may be difficult to understand but the violence of the rape made much less of an impact on me than the abortion.”
  • …out came some fluid then the sac split open, there was my baby! its tiny little head and body, i broke down started shouting at myself and saying sorry to my baby … I did it for other people not myself and now i’m the one who has to live with this regret and hatred towards myself. – abortion pill patient
  • “I have no regrets. Zero. The whole situation still hurts sometimes.”
  •  “To have a baby after an abortion is not so easy. The feelings that are in your mind and heart about your abortion are somehow mirrored in the new baby. I think it would be easier if all these issues were spoken of openly.”
  •  “I look back at each of these abortions, and my heart is sad. I loved them and wanted to meet them, but I was too weak.  …  I cry, I hurt.”

A pretty long post but I thought why not talk about the emotional risks that come with having an abortion…Women have to be aware of these before deciding to undergo an abortion.

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Importance of Dating Someone of Your Tribe

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Before you think I’m restricting you to dating someone of the same totem by tribe I mean someone that can be friend.

This article has been in my draft box for the longest time and have had this conversation at work multiple times.

What really bothers me are people who date and marry just for the sake of it. Many stories I have heard of people in boring relationships and can’t seem to have any fun with their partner.

Came across this tweet and thought I should share.

I am irritated by people who go on to pursue someone or agree to date then want to change that person.

Creating that foundation of friendship is key before deciding to date someone. As friends you get to open up on who you really are and one can decide if they want to take it on or not.

We clouded by the idea of being in a relationship than what comes after agreeing to being with someone. Some even go to the point of hiding certain character traits which they reveal later in the relationship or marriage.

Happy relationships are based on a deep friendship and that friendship is the core of a strong relationship.

Couples that are friends look forward to spending time together, and genuinely like one another. Their activities and interests actually become enhanced because they have their favorite person with whom to share their life experiences.

Friendship helps couples to feel safe enough to be more open with one another without worrying about being judged or feeling insecure.

I am sure there are some marriages where physical intimacy has faded but its that friendship and closeness that keeps them together.

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Being friends does more for long-term survival of a couple than anything else.

Taking you back to the tweet, here is what twimbos had to say about the importance of friendship and opening up as couples:

  • Its cause there is more emphasis on getting the ring than getting a partner to go through life with. Ana “wife material” may not necessarily tick the “friend” box which is why niggas cheat. I think marriage should be more of friends who have kids together.
  • Stick to your tribe people, if u like doing stuff-be with someone of a like mind otherwise you will get bored, and they will seem controlling. Pretending becomes exhausting.
  • Marry someone you know. Someone u’re compatible with cause marriage is a very long journey,u cant afford to be with the wrong person. If u want freaky people go for that..if u want cool people go for that. People should stop pretending to get married; cause that’s how they marry the wrong people.
  • Patinoti pa marriage get a friend these are some of the reasons, I got myself a fellow drinker tozongosiyana kuti one anoda kumwira north of samora the other south so tozosangana later along Samora kunana Centurion chii chii.
  • I don’t get how its a problem now, when you dated you didn’t know he didn’t drink? You didn’t know he wasn’t the going out late type?
  • Lol haiwawo, todziziva type idzi, uyu akanyepera murume kuti haanwi nekuti aida kuroorwa. Now wakuona manje.
  • Or even someone you can’t take to things you like…I wouldn’t even be friends with that person, let alone marrying one.
  • She should go alone if it’s what she likes. It’s allowed to have different ideas of fun from your partner Dragging your partner to your idea of fun and getting upset that they don’t like it,is unfair to them. They can always do chilled baecations to meet halfway from time to time.
  • Besides how did they marry each other in the first place without knowing this?? Whether she should go or not is debatable &honestly a correct answer there wont materialize… Both are already miserable already!
  • U got married knowing fully well what you are getting into….. Maybe you were not ready but all the same pick a struggle kubuda or being bored.
  • But you knew this before you married him, its high people should stop marrying for the sake of marrying.
  • This woman was deceitful to hubby and now can’t keep up appearances , she should lie in the sober bed she made.
  • Traditionally, married women don’t go out often especially for drinks. You had to understand the person you were getting married to beforehand. Now that you cannot turn back the clock, you have to try convince him to go out together or you choose between having fun & saving your marriage.
  • This is what happens when you get married for the wrong reasons… and during dating you are pretending to be what you are not…

This example may seem petty but it actually has the potential of tearing apart a union.

There are other things that people reveal later in relationships and one may not be able to contain the after shocks.

Women have the challenge of portraying the perfect “African woman” and in most instances pretend to be who they are not just to settle down.

This does not only relate to going out as the tweet suggests but it could tempers, uncleanliness anything which is a result of not opening up and being truthful from the word go.

Stick to your tribe…

 

 

How I lost Number Three to Dynamos, DeMbare

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On the blog today is a guest who refers to himself as an ordinary ‘young man’. After reading several of my articles that represent and express what women go through and feel, Leopold Munhende offered to enlighten us on one of the struggles men go through that’s choosing  between being with your loved one and the big football game. 

A lot of us get ticked off when he chooses being with the boys than spending time with you. They are so strict with the Bro Code ‘Bros Before Hoes’  meaning friends before women. Here is a good read on how his love for football cost him two relationships.


I haven’t dated too many girls. Just a few. I started dating late in life. I was too bookish, too much FIFA too!

I have however grown to be too particular about who I spend my time with as my ‘Better-Half.’ I now require an Ordinary Level qualification, I worry a lot about how my kids will turn out to be if I impregnate these unO’leveled chicks.

I am diarising how I got to this stage by chronicling my past breakups and how they have had an impact on my definition of a ‘true girlfriend.’

Chingoverengawo!

How I lost Number Three to Dynamos, DeMbare

I have lost two girlfriends to football giants Dynamos so far. Not that they fell in love with the club no, although I wouldn’t blame them.

My love for football has cost me two relationships so far.

The first was a beautiful black chick from Bulawayo I had finally noticed after a loooong time although she was always by my side. We worked together. Beautiful, natural, black creature, magnificent on the eye with sparkling white teeth, a wide, heartwarming smile and this unique fresh scent. No matter what time you met her she was just fresh.

I swear I thought I was marrying that one. Shame.

We dated for a relatively long time (we are in the 21st century, you define your long) and all along she knew I loved my football.

She had accepted that fact but for some reason I think she engineered our break up. You know how it is, someone pretends like things are no longer ok blah blah and decides it’s not working and I was like it’s ok.

I hadn’t moved to Harare which meant I was resigned to watching DeMbare play just about three times per season. That “fateful” weekend Dynamos was facing Highlanders. I wouldn’t have missed it for your funeral yes you lol.

Chick calls early Sunday, “Baby may we meet in town today,” she says in her soft, sensual voice which gets me all attentive and calm.

I tell her Dynamos is playing and I can only meet her in the morning or Monday since we are on holiday.

Automatically, as if a switch has been flipped the issue changes to me choosing soccer over her. Problem number one with girls! Comparing themselves.

After a 20 minute call chronicling my history of choosing DeMbare over her, I am battered into submission. We are meeting at 12 midday.

12 midday chick is nowhere to be found, eventually we meet at 1pm apa had told ma niggers to pick me up at 1.15pm pa Bulawayo Centre.

At 1.15pm sure enough Wisdom’s BMW 320i hoots from across the street, “Handeyi Cde tanonoka,” bellows my ‘larger’ friend, Evans.

It’s been 15 minutes with Baby, hell we haven’t even asked each other nezvana “Gulez, Tsano, etc” you know the drill. But Dynamos is playing and I can book another appointment with Bae for tomorrow anyway anditi?

So I kiss her on the mouth, say goodbye and am literally dragged into the car, its a big match! We all wave, she doesn’t wave back. I should have known.

It’s not three points on both ends for me in the end. By the time Kallisto Pasuwa’s all conquering squad is confirmed eventual winners at 5pm, I am single.

I am welcomed back on WhatsApp by the longest message I have ever seen in my life. She is gone, fact.

Three down!

Let’s Talk About People Who Talk to Themselves

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Do you ever stand in front the mirror and start talking? Or imagine having a conversation with someone, actually back chatting. Maybe this sounds normal, how about actually sitting down and starting a verbal conversation, sounds crazy but I do this a lot.

I talk to myself till I get tired and tell myself to sleep, but this is only the verbal conversation that’s done, when trying to sleep I still have these conversations in my head till I fall sleep.

By the way this does not happen in the privacy of my home, the streets of Harare have seen it all. From the giggles to frowns and pursing, alone. Have had people tell me to take it easy on the marijuana but I won’t even be hi.

Hold that thought, I’m not crazy perfectly normal but I have realized that I make sound and better decisions when I talk to myself. Thinking out loud helps me make sense of things. Often after having a conversation with myself I see things differently.

Talking to myself helps diminish loneliness. I stay alone, my housemate is never home. I fill my quiet room with the noise of my own voice.

Apparently Science has discovered that people who talk to themselves are geniuses. Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

It’s a normal way to cope with stress and anxiety, and helps alleviate pressures in life, says Dr. Breur. Doing so serves as a kind of pep talk; the sound of your own voice essentially acts as a reaffirming behavior, reinforcing that something is indeed doable. As a result, you’re less likely to hold thoughts in (because you’re speaking them to yourself) and more apt to voice concerns and feel more confident during stressful times. 

Here is How Talking to Yourself Helps:

  • It stimulates your memory
  • It helps stay focused
  • It helps clarify thoughts
  • It keeps you organized (You won’t forget things easily)
  • Helps solve problems independently
  • You gain insight about yourself

Few Things Self Talk Can Do For You

  • Give yourself a shoutout. (Fist bump too)
  • Give yourself a pep talk.
  • Blow off steam.
  • Understand your thoughts better.
  • Rehearse a difficult conversation.
  •  Improve attention span and concentration.

Share your thoughts in the comment box.

Here Is Why I’m Afraid of Marriage

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Growing up marriage always looked like the most beautiful union, it still does because the “perfect” couples we see on social media. Talk of Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, Beyonce and Jay-Z , Connie and Shona Ferguson.

However what I have seen in reality seems to prove otherwise.

I totally related to Rudy Fransico’s Poem “A lot Like You” when he says I was told the average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of seven. I was told she picks the colors and the cake first. By the age of ten, she knows the time and the location. By seventeen, she’s already chosen a gown and a maid of honor by twenty three. 

I swear my wedding is in order already but over the years I have learnt that the most important thing is preparing for the marriage and not the wedding day. This is where most of us lose it. We stay for years preparing for the wedding day, not the lifetime commitment and picking the right partner.

Honestly I have been disheartened and do not look forward to settling down. Love is such a beautiful thing but this generation has just ruined that fairy tale for me. People are now doing things for show rather than being genuine and sincere. I am afraid of getting married.

Nowadays feelings and emotions are nothing. We just trample on each other’s feelings and give no fucks about the next person. I sometimes wonder how these agents of the devil sleep at night. Yes I said it, I have been through most of it already at 24, have the right to call men that.

Funny thing is when I tell people this they say at just 24 this what you are saying, girl you have not started. Where is that light at the end of the tunnel?

Let’s talk about Olinda and Tytan. Barely a year after wedding their marriage was on the rocks and have now separated. I can’t really say it was loveless relationship but we all saw this coming. Most people get hitched for the wrong reasons and caught up in unhappy set ups. This could be pressure from society, money or being lonely. It hurts to watch her regret conceiving his daughter and crying on social media all over again for almost the same reason.

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I am choosing to wait until I am 100% sure, I want to have all my children by the same father get married once and its him forever.

The horror stories I have heard about people changing after getting married make me think twice. What if I get the shock of my life and its something I can’t handle. Its almost easy to walk away from a boyfriend with drama but a husband is a different story. You made vows and a promise to love and honor him, for better or worse right.

Chances of the sex getting boring are very high and you have to work extra hard to keep it hot and spicy in the bedroom. That already sounds like too much to me.

What if I totally fail at marriage. What happens if I can’t do it and the pressure is too much.

I have seen a lot of women stuck in unhappy loveless marriages and can’t leave because they are worried about things like body count, having children by different fathers and being a single mom.

I want my marriage to be the main priority in my life someday, but I don’t want it to be my life. I really want to be a lot things outside being a wife. However it seems when you get married you have to make sure you are not distracted by success, money, social status etc.

Its a lot I fear but the worst is the sacrifices, tolerance, open big heart for forgiveness and the all men cheat mantra so its normal. Its scary and I do not know if I have it in me to withstand all that.

Do you have fears of being married? What advice do you think we should be giving young women and men about marriage? Are we not supposed to be talking about the realities and prepare those that are really keen to settle down? Share your thoughts in the comment box.

 

 

 

Fuss Over “Vaginal Lips” ; Nonsense !

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I was 13 when one of my tetes’ asked to take a walk with me. I was uncomfortable as I thought I was in trouble for having for a boyfriend at that age. I just had the feeling my secret was out and was about to be lectured.

To my shock, she openly said I was growing into a young lady and had to start preparing myself for the future. It didn’t make sense to me. All she said was every morning while bathing I should pinch the two lips on my vagina till they reached a certain length.

She did say it would hurt but a little. Funny story I was not told why, but it would benefit me in the future.

Fast forward to 2019 and I’m 24 years old. So many things I have heard around pulling the labia minora, in Shona matinji and Isindebele amalebe. Women have become so obsessed with having elongated matinji  and feel less of woman if they do not have any.

After doing some research it turns out these are for sexual pleasure, (wait for it) and this is for the men. They are his “toys”. Now my question is do men bend backwards to please women sexually? We go through a lot biologically as females and I won’t even get into societal pressures. We be out here adjusting this and that. Learning this and that. Making sure we are like this for a species that don’t even rate us that much.

We have been told to do so many things, just to be perfect for marriage. Recently a picture circulated on Whatsapp demonstrating how a woman should move her waist when on top (COCONUT), were do we see things about men teaching each other on how to please a woman.

This is going to be a long post but it will be worth it. I asked women and men how they feel about them and here is what they had to say.

WOMEN

  • I was nine and was told it’ll make labor easier. I didn’t pull because I didn’t see the necessity so I didn’t bother.
  • I was never told. Got the shock of my life when I went to a boarding school for my A level. During bath time saw some girl with hers long as a cow’s ear. Wondered what the hell they were. Then some girls started having a discussion about it at school. That’s when I got to know of ‘matinji’. I never pulled mine.
  • They said they made sex more enjoyable.
  • I didn’t do it though, I hate pain ,why should I go through all that trouble aiwa lol.
  • Apparently they say men enjoy if you have a pulled matinji. But what has that same man done or pulled so that I enjoy him too.
  • Apparently most men don’t like them ..got a workmate who got ditched cause the guy said aimusemesa (disgusting).
  • Also i think if the guy wants them when you married he can help you by pulling them himself.
  • This preparation stuff is fucked up ..what do men do to prepare themselves for us?
  • Those aunts should start teaching men how to please us!
  • Around 12 years..they never properly explained to me spent a month pulling my clitoris and gave up and also tried sticking my finger inside my vagina hoping to find something to pull.Also was given some fruit to put down there so it can grow faster didn’t work.And was told without them won’t keep a man. Was scared as a kid. Thanks to internet at around 21 years searched and finally it was the labia minora that I was supposed to pull. Even after finding what it was actually never bothered myself ever again. Funny enough the lady who told me got cheated on by her hubby. Imma try spelling COCONUT instead.
  • I hate the preparation of young girls to be wives. It’s all we ever taught. Don’t dress like that, talk, eat, play etc no one will want to marry you. Our existence and life prep is solely to be good wives.
  • I haven’t pulled. I just felt like why are we adjusting what shouldn’t be.
  • Women have been told to do a lot to make sure the marriage or union has a backbone and how to keep and please the husband. But who teaches these men how to please us and keep the marriage strong, are they ever taught that? Why is it always women’s responsibility to do so.
  • The Perfection Syndrome, the problem is 99% of young women and married women alike don’t even know who they are and what they want. We waste years (and I mean years) being told who we are supposed to be only to lose ourselves in the process.

Its sad that all we talk about as women is dick, what to do with it, how to please it. Baby showers, Kitchen teas, that all we talk about. How about, self esteem, how to make money, how to stay above the water in this tough economy? Moving on, here are views from men.

 

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MEN

  • I don’t even consider that. It doesn’t matter to me. I haven’t felt the difference because kana yapinda all i care about is pleasure.
  • definitely it just spices things up, the mere appearance maybe fore play that’s all. But during the actual act its adds nothing .
  • Matinji in my opinion are guys toys for foreplay, to some they help to keep the female version of precum.
  • Inini hangu zvabuda musarudzo bhoo cz matinji akakurisa haite.
  • Makes vagina too watery not advisable.
  • We are just told those things define a complete woman in bed but I am not sure how they enhance the quality of the act. I guess it’s just in the mind of men. It’s no different from the assumption that a woman with a big behind is more ‘tasty’ than the one that does not have.
  • Sex is a game of the mind, if one is attracted to a woman chances are high he will find it enjoyable. so if I believe that a perfect woman for me has to have matinji acho, if I get one anawo I will enjoy. I am not sure if women of this day still have those things so we just marry, worse that now it’s more about appearance than anything else.
  • I suppose, that whole thing is just a myth. People overrate sex you know. And it’s among us black folk. I have never heard of white people talking about labia as much as black folk do. It seems we live for sex. Quote me right, sex is great. I enjoy it. But whether labia minora is elongated or not, that doesn’t matter. I believe sex is usually an act of love and passion and that goes beyond the labia. It’s the last thing you notice on a woman. I mean you can’t be asking if a girl has long labia or not when you are courting her. That’s BS that we need to overlook. It’s better to ask if a lady is ambitious and has a good character and her main wish is to see you do well in life… So labia should never be a benchmark for marriage or not.

I really could not put out what some said because of the intense language but generally nothing is exciting about these. Its all in the mind, some men do not even know their use and are disgusted by them but here we are pulling each other down because of elongated labia minoras. We can do better ladies.

Reasons Women Fall for Bad Guys…

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Have you ever wondered maybe the reason you have a series of heartbreaks is because you like bad guys? Are women predisposed to find men with dark personalities attractive? It sounds like a dating cliche but women do seem to be drawn more towards the heart breakers.

Funny story is women can actually tell that he is a bady but will still go for it and fall hard. It seems like we find cocky men utterly appealing.

Look at the green eyed Michael Ealy in Being Mary Jane, he is controlling, cocky AF but so sexy and irresistible. Remember how we were unhappy when she slept with him in Season 4 episode 11. Well in MaryJane’s case they eventually get married, most of us are not that lucky with these type of men.

In an article by The List , as noted in Evolution & Human Behavior, a study of nearly 1,000 men and women revealed that people with pathological personality characteristics, such as impulsivity, imprudence, and narcissism, had more sexual partners and an increased number of children when compared to those who didn’t share these same personality traits.

In other words, these seemingly negative characteristics can in reality be beneficial toward drawing more people toward these bad boys in a romantic way. And as a result, bad boys who live their lives as renegades who are up to no good are often perceived as more attractive and appealing.

Often we find secure, stable and emotionally balanced men boring. Even though we know the heartache coming from the bad boy relationship, we still feel compelled to be with them. Here are a few reasons why:

  • Bad boys are usually very passionate and women see that this passion is being misdirected and getting them into trouble.
  • Bad boys are also attractive because of their potential. They seem to have direction but there is no direction to be honest, but its that potential that attracts us. We believe we can love and understand him like no-one else. We’ll unlock his talents, support him, encourage him, and stand by him even when he makes mistakes.
  • Great sex.
  • The thrill of being with one.
  • Women want to feel safe and protected but also want to explore. Bad boys can help with that.
  • Opposites attract.
  • Be aware of your patterns. If you keep choosing to date the same type of person, you’re going to get the same result. Bad boys rarely become good partners.

I think its time I get out of my comfort zone and leave these bad boys but they are so magnetic, it hurts lol.

What do you think? Is this natural? How can this narrative be changed?