Afraid of Being a Mother Than HIV/AIDS & STIs

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Growing up my mother never spoke about sex directly, even when I had first period she did not give me the “if you have sex you will fall pregnant” lecture. I was handed pads and that was it.

It was only when I started hanging with boys a lot that I received the sex talk, all she said was “these boys are after that hole of yours and will make you pregnant.”

You know what that did? It instilled fear of falling pregnant and not other important issues around sex like HIV and STIs.

For a lot of teens today, unwanted pregnancy is the fear of fears. Looking deeper into the situation, in most cases its not the pregnancy they are afraid of but the angry mothers.

In addition the rejection that comes with falling pregnant is what most teens fear. Rejection from parents, school, clinics etc.


This headline clearly shows that the only thing youths want to prevent is pregnancy. In High School peer educators always came through, showing gross and disgusting images of the effects of STIs.

Fear to sleep around was only instilled for a while but young people would eventually get back to reckless sex because at home nothing about STIs or HIV is spoken about. Just pregnancy.

A lot of awareness needs to raised among these young people about the dangers of having unprotected sex. However this needs to begin at home. Pregnancy is not the only monster one can get from having unprotected sex and young people need to be taught this.

A recent World Health Organization report stated indicated that approximately more than 1 million new STIs are being recorded on a daily basis worldwide. 

The same energy folks use in instilling fear about falling pregnant is the same energy they are meant to use in educating young people about HIV/AIDS and STIs.


If Men Can Cheat, So Can Women…



There is a common misconception that it’s only men who step out on their partners. Men are trash, men are dogs and that women are faithful is what we have always heard.

My question is, who are all these men cheating with exactly? Do heterosexual men only cheat with single women and each other? Women cheat too and its almost becoming a normal trend.

The notion of the cheating wife is something that tends to be swept under the rug  mostly because it goes against everything that we as a culture have been conditioned to think about women.

Back then women were not as clumsy with cheating as they are now.

Women are tired and it has gotten to a point where they say ‘if he can do it, so can I’. The gender gap in adultery is closing, and it’s not just about opportunity and possibility, women now are more inclined to demand to have all their needs met.

Research suggests that 10 to 20 percent of men and women in marriages or other committed (monogamous) relationships will actively engage in sexual activity outside of their primary relationship. And these numbers are likely under-reported, possibly by a wide margin, thanks to denial and confusion about what constitutes infidelity in the digital era.

Women now are more inclined to demand to have all their needs met.” Fewer women are marrying out of need, Fisher says; instead, they’re marrying to please themselves. But that also means when they’re dissatisfied with something, they can feel justified to go elsewhere.

I asked a fellow male blogger Leo Nation his opinion on the subject and he said It beats me. Women, in general, work with affective psychology. So most if not all they do involves emotions. So to see a woman actually two timing, there’s a drive factor. Possibly, they are under pressure to be married from Family or Church people or they are just out rightly victims of prevailing poverty such that multiple relationships will be meal tickets. And last but not least, the influence of media. IG, Twitter among other platforms have since become virtual brothels… Where people randomly hook up and this whole “influencer” tag is becoming a detriment to genuine love. People now hook up for fun and to create a big fan base…

Funny thing is some men don’t up and leave anymore like they used to. Some don’t even talk about it, who wants the world to know their woman cheated.

However, women are openly cheating  and below maybe some of the reasons:

  • They feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignore.
  • They crave intimacy – women tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other more through non-sexual.
  • They are lonely. 
  • They expect too much from a primary relationship.
  • They’re not having enough satisfying sex at home.
  • A lot of the women said that when they talked openly about their fantasies or desires to their husbands, they were met with disgust and made to feel ashamed.

I’m sure there are more reasons to why women cheat, share your thoughts in the comment box.

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My Worst Sleepover



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I love my bed and I hate sleepovers. Sometimes I have no choice, caught in situations where I have to put up at a friends place but on a good day I would rather go home and sleep on my bed.

My strong hate for sleepovers is explained in this article. 

One late afternoon on a Wednesday a friend that had been begging me to sleepover cornered me into spending the night at her house. For almost three months she had been sending out the invite, I wasn’t keen but on that day I seemed not to have a choice.

The drive to her place was so long, I could not even keep up with the conversation. My mind was at my house. After a long day one would just want to lie in their bed.

We got to her house, she did not want to cook, you know why? She was tired from work and I wasn’t right. Well I always prefer my cooking so I made dinner and extra for my packed lunch.

During the week I make sure I’m in bed by 10PM and there was Faith jumping into her queen size bed.

She took cushions from the couch, placed them on the floor, put sheets and a blanket on them. Couldn’t have been mine, we can fit on the bed together I thought.

Got the shock of my life when she told me to get off the bed and sleep on the three cushions. I’m a very short person but my feet were hanging, almost touching the cold tiled floor.


I was dumbfounded. I could not even utter a word of complaint. To worsen the situation she wanted to sleep with the TV and lights on.

I cannot do that, I want total silence and darkness when I sleep, its the only way I can fall asleep.

God knows I was pissed. By the way I did not have clothes for work the day after.

I was the first to get up and had to stare at the ceiling till she woke up.

I barely slept that night and also woke up with a sore back.



That morning she took forever doing her make up and I had to watch her take her sweet time look pretty. Deep down I wanted to strangle her to death.

I was late for work, because we had to pass through my house and dress up. Funny thing is she found nothing wrong with what happened the previous night and that morning.

She volunteered to wait while I dress up, I told her to go ( wanted to tell her to f*%k off).

Yes I chose public transport over a free ride, even when I was that late because I could not stand the sight of her face.

I’m not being petty but growing up, every time we had visitors at home we slept in the lounge and they used the bedrooms. Make guests comfortable, especially if you have invited them over is what I was taught.

Honestly in my right senses I would not choose sleeping on the floor at someone’s house, when I can have a peaceful sleep in my bed.

This marked my worst sleepover and here is a perfect song for this experience.

Handirari kuden kwenyu futi meaning I will not sleep at your house again.


Reasons Some Women Can’t Resist Married Men

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“I love married men and cannot maintain a healthy relationship with a single male” said one girl in one of the many Whatsapp groups I’m in.

How many times have you been approached by a man with a clearly visible shiny ring and nothing in you is moved, instead you feel the urge to go for it?

Its weird that for some women married men are their drug of choice

Many women that we have come across who cannot resist married men and actually prefer that kind of relationship and you always wonder why she is comfortable sharing a men that is not even hers?

Is she not bothered by being in a relationship that almost functions like a timetable?

To answer some of these questions, provision of basic needs is one of the major reasons why women tend to prefer married men to single men.

Here are other reasons women can date, sleep with a married man and have zero guilt about it:

  • Married men are more secure sources of funding for women because they can provide for their needs.
  • Age, single men unwilling to settle down, the maturity of married men and experience among others are also reasons why single women prefer dating married men.
  • Married men are incredibly affectionate and forthcoming about their feelings. They can adore you unreservedly, because they have no fear of commitment to get in the way.
  • Simply wanting no-strings attached sex and finding someone who’s married is far less likely to want anything other than sex from you if they have someone who loves them at home.
  • People are competitive and some can’t resist a challenge regardless of the destructive results. ‘I bet I could get him to leave her if he could have me instead.’
  • If a man is already married, it is solid proof he isn’t afraid of commitment and can actually follow through on promises.He has proved he is stable and reliable likely to stick around when the going gets tough.These are hugely attractive qualities to women who’ve been let down by dodgy men who can’t even be relied on to turn up, let alone stand by them in a crisis.
  • Taken men are also appealing because they’re not just saying those nice things to get women into bed. His compliments seem more genuine making him more likable.

While some women end up marrying single men and starting their own families, some of these women end up as “baby mamas” since the relationship does not always lead to marriage while others end up as junior wives in polygamous homes.



I’m The Best


You are probably wondering why is she dancing to the sound of her own beat, relax I’m not writing about myself but Nicki Minaj.  Following her retirement announcement on social media, I have been thinking, she really was the Queen of rap.

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She’s one of the greatest boss ladies of all time.

She made my high school into college days the best. What I loved most were her empowering lyrics.  I’m a terrible singer so trying to rap along always sounded better.

I remember falling in love with her vibe in Bedrock with Young Money. Below are a few songs I love:

I’m The Best

Beez In The Trap

Big Sean ft Nicki Minaj Dance A$$

Nicki Minaj Did It ‘Em

Nicki Minaj Dear Old Nicki

Nicki Minaj Your Love

Nicki Minaj Fire Burns (Best heartbreak song for me)

Nicki Minaj Wave Ya Hand

Nicki Minaj Roman’s Revenge

Nicki Minaj Bed of Lies

Nicki Minaj Pills and Potions

I know some of you had forgotten some of these tracks. Nicki’s bars were irresistible.

Other tracks that could never be deleted from my gallery include Feeling Myself ft Beyonce, Super Bass, Massive Attack, Right Through Me, Save me and Dutty Love ft Sean Kingston, Bottoms Up with Trey Songs.

My list was not going to make sense without adding her last hit Megatron. Happy Friday !

Do you Know How to Pray For Your Future Spouse?

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Growing up I have always been told to pray for my future husband, to ask God to bless me with the kind of man I want.

I used to back then in high school when I was still hyped about love and thought I would actually get married right after college. Well life happened.

After a series of heartbreaks I gave up and started praying for other things. Fast forward to last night as I was praying, I thought why not include a prayer for my husband. I was stuck, did not know where to begin.

I am embarrassed. I failed to package my prayer to God. I was worried if I was losing my touch with God.

Asking a few people I realized I was not the only one, in fact a lot of people know how to pray to maintain a relationship but this is not what I wanted.

I want a God fearing, loving, honest and hard working husband but I felt it was not appropriate. I wanted a formal way of asking this from God.

I asked a few ladies their thoughts and this is what they said:

  • Can he be sweet, can he be loving.
  • There is no better prayer than the one you make personal… i think this prayer is not universal but for me he has to be God fearing cause what ever happens anotsiurika (listens).
  • I package it exactly how I want him. God already knows what I want so got no reason to go round.
  • Say exactly what you want. Loving, understanding, God fearing, romantic, sweet etc if that’s what you want.
  • Just like how you pray for everything else. There’s no formula.
  • God is your friend mother whatever u want so you tell him exactly what you want.
  • Don’t overthink it. You don’t need fancy words or anything like that.
  • Sometimes I say it like a conversation. Like I’m pouring my heart out to my best friend.
  • Telling Him you want a loving husband is straight forward enough. Sounds cliche but there isn’t another way to say it and just because a billion other woman say the exact same line doesn’t make your prayer any less meaningful or ‘enough’.
  • Also pray that you be the right kind of woman before God (and work on it intentionally) so that you’ll be worthy that God fearing man you’d have prayed for…
  • Before I met the guy I’m with now, I did some things. Things I’m not proud of but I saw a sermon by Juanita Bynum called No More Sheets and it completely changed my life. I consecrated. Forgave myself for what I put myself through. Asked him to deal with the trauma in my heart that made me like abusive men. Men that would reject me like my parents did. Cause I thought that was it. I thought that was love. It’s all I knew. Did #SheHeals and was very honest with myself that I didn’t like being alone. Then I met him. Wasn’t even looking for him when he popped up.

I do not think there is a manual for this kind of prayer as our wants and needs are different. However talking about this today opened my mind and I know just what to say to God.

Feel free to share your thoughts and advise on this matter in the comment box.


8 Options On How to Deal With A Cheating Husband

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For the longest time I have seen and come across women that fight and beat the living daylights out of each other over a cheating man. Most cases involve a married man that is clumsy with his cheating and wife gets hold of ‘small house’.

Time and again I have said, I will never fight over a man, let alone a cheating man. I will never text, confront or fight the other lady because the problem is my man and that is the person supposed to be dealt with.

I borrow options on how to deal with this situation from a Twitter post by Nyari Mashayamombe.

A ‘married man’ is never taken by a fellow woman, your husband decides to leave you. The business of attacking other females is madness and unforgivable. STOP it. If he leaves you he don’t like you move on.

I’ve never dated a married man in my life and don’t plan on doing so, it’s been always my choice. But while I don’t like seeing fellow sisters do it, the only person who owes you loyalty is the one who said ‘I do to you’, he’s the one with a contract with you. Not the a woman.

The habit of beating each other up is a show of desperation, criminal and won’t stop that whore of a husband from cheating on you. He will go from one woman to the other, you won’t be addressing the problem, which is your husband, you are going for something easy.

There are a couple of options when your man cheats on you depending on where you at in life:

1. Accept the problem that’s your husband.

2. Now weigh your options: to leave, or to stay depending with your situation.

3. Leave if you want to, if he’s dangerous, if he’s abusive

Leave if:

4. He’s disrespectful openly to you, your children and your relatives. If he brings them girl friends to your matrimonial home and bed.

5. Leave if he demeans you and speaks down on you. There is a lot that could be said about leaving him.

But you can also:

6. You can also choose to stay: If you decide to do so, hoping you can negotiate for safe sex,

7. Hoping your children and yourself are safe.

8. It’s also an empowered decision to stay if you are able to deal with it emotionally and not spill it to others including your children and other women around you.

On choosing to stay, I’ve heard women who decide to choose the friendship with their husbands more like the husband does his own the woman does her own around sex, but when it comes to family they are together.

But if you decide to stay and you are hurting, and you choose to harass the girl friends and beat others up, you will not only end in jail but you are just as bad as your husband. Rejection is painful by those we love, when your man cheats it’s hard, it’s rejection.

But it’s not worth chasing the wind that’s chasing after other women beating them up for the sins of your man. Deal with your man! If you can’t deal with him deal with the fact that you can’t deal with him and go back to the points above. Sometimes exiting is the available option.

Disclaimer: By leaving I’m saying ask him to pack his bags and leave your house, leaving the relationship can mean kick him out, by no means should you leave, he must leave! Legally you have the right to the house especially where children are concerned. Depends with situation.

Disclaimer: Many women don’t know that they have a right to the house and usually are bullied out, he should leave and leave you there, you have the right to ask him out if he is abusive. The law protects you and/or the children. . . BUT importantly leave fellow women alone!!

I Prayed For You


The first time I remember writing down a prayer for my future husband was when I was 16 years old. I had listened (yes listened) intently to the written sermon in Brio Magazine and decided I needed to pray for my Boaz/King David . I wondered if he prayed for me, thought of me and imagined what I looked like- a routine was born that I would do every night I wasn’t busy, to be honest. At 16, I was blooming but my glo up game wasn’t as strong as I wanted and my awkward dorky game was way too strong so I lost hope quickly when the hot rugby boy never noticed me *sigh*. At 17, I got my first boyfriend and he wasn’t everything I had prayed for, instead of being a bar of tall dark chocolate with hazelnuts he was a Freddo (short, chubby and cheeky) -everything…

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Am I Next?

The Be A Blessing Project

I would like to thank my dear friend Rufaro for the following piece, entitled ” Am I Next?

What’s your biggest fear? Mine has always been if I was next. If someone’s son would force himself upon me. If someone’s brother would choose me from his “garden for the picking” as his next prize. My fear was men and as I walked with a boy who took a sidestep away to accommodate for my discomfort I explained how I felt a bit more powerful because at that time, with many of those boys, it wouldn’t be such an uneven fight if they ever tried but soon, they too became the men I have feared.
I have learnt to punch and fight.
I have learnt the clothes to wear.
I have learnt to look over my shoulder.
I have learnt to come home well before night.
I have learnt to…

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Because I have A Vagina…


Because I have a vagina I live in fear on a daily basis. I am target to men who feel entitled to my body.

Last night I struggled to fall asleep thinking of how to pen this down following the rape and murder of  Uyinene Mrwetyana.

I followed twitter posts about her missing from last week and my heart broke when her death was confirmed. This just reminded me of how we are not safe as women, anywhere.

Being a woman is a danger in its self. Early this year I moved out of my uncle’s house to stay alone in Hatfield, I was warned about the robberies but austerity measures happened and I am still there.

Everyday I make sure to get home before six because there are cars that drive around the neighborhood snatching hand bags from ladies. Their target is women.  Before dropping off I switch off my phone, put it in my bra together with the money I would be carrying.

At one point I was considering buying pepper spray or a taser but it’s so expensive. Secondly what if I panic and unable to use it during an attack.

In town again I walk in fear of having my phone or wig snatched from my head. In the club I’m in fear of having my drink spiked, I’m in fear of boarding an ET with a lot of men, I’m even in fear of asking a fellow brother to escort or help me with something because I am a target.


Because I have a vagina I live in fear of dying with my hands up or legs open. Feminists are battered left right and center on daily basis for trying to explain how violent men are to women but what do you have to say when one says Yerre Ustrongo Lomntana, Ufe Kade meaning “she was so strong it took her a long time to die”

How does one feel so entitled to someone’s body. How does one catch an erection and penetrate someone’s daughter, mother, sister, aunt, wife or friend?

Uyinene Mrwetyana’s case is not the first or the last but this just shows how vulnerable we are as women. Because I have a vagina I have to constantly think of how to be safe.

The fear that has been instilled within us prescribes where we walk, park, sleep, eat etc. The stalking, sexual assaults and battering should stop.

According to Senator Joseph Biden, “the single greatest danger to a woman’s health is violence from men.”

This does not only apply to strangers but women also live in fear of men close to them. It could be your father, uncle, brother, boyfriend or neighbor.

According to the Adult Rape Clinic 75% of rape cases are by known persons which is inclusive of relatives.

Remember even in relationships consent is important. Coerced consent is not consent. Implied consent is not consent.


I asked women their fears and their thoughts on Uyinene’s case:

  • Nothing. There’s literally nothing I can do. Whether I am at home or the post office or on campus or in the club, whether I am drunk or sober or wearing short clothes or wearing a long skirt I CAN GET RAPED. And that frightens me.
  • I can’t afford a taser but now I feel the need to look for pepper spray.
  • I hate that the things that could protect us like tasers and pepper spray are costly so even if I can get one, there’s a poor girl who has no fighting chance at all.
  • I get scared the most in kombis especially cause I finish around 7pm at school. And being short and small bodied doesn’t help, I’d probably look like an easy target.
  • Got out of the kombi once when there were more men I think there was like one woman.
  • Imagine being rapped and killed, That’s torture .And being raped and left to survive That’s worse because I’ll be alive but dead inside, SAY NO TO RAPE.
  • I’m just imagining how scared Nene was guys and my heart is breaking to pieces. Poor girl must have been dying already way before she was actually murdered 😞 No one deserves to go through that torture, rape should just be considered as killing as well because there is no difference. As for this guy, he should be charged for 2 accounts of murder and they should let him hang.
  • And if it was possible kill him a million times with torture.Hanging is not enough
    He should be castrated cut to pieces and just be killed again.
  • If l fear anything is this world, its rape. Imagine how a woman will survive after encountering such a traumatic experience. Trust me, you will take the pain to the grave…it’s that kind of pain that you will never heal from. It affects everything around you, from your thoughts to your relationship with other people.
  • It’s beyond one’s privacy being invaded. It’s having something taken from you. Your strength, your courage, your everything.
  • I mean l get irritated when a random stranger mistakenly touches me in public. Tell me how do l get over someone sexually abusing.

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